October 2017 – the unSecret Garden

(or What Do You Mean There’s No Coffee?)

Sometimes I think that it might be nice to live in a convent. I find the idea of always knowing that you have shelter, food, a job and a purpose in life to be quite comforting. Never mind all the many sacrifices required: I’d nearly trade marriage and motherhood and free-will for a life where I didn’t have to worry about bills and career and retirement. I said nearly. Plus I’m not religious, much less Catholic.

This weekend I got a 48-hour insight into what a monastery life might look like. In search of a break from the unrelenting demands of motherhood and an intense need to reconnect with the outdoors, my own breath and spirit, I headed to a yoga retreat at a nearby ashram.

I’d never been to an ashram before, and I probably should have done more research first (although to be fair, the website could have included a bit more information about exactly what I had just signed up for). The specifics of the retreat really didn’t matter to me; I just wanted a time-out for a few days and the promise of hiking and yoga was enough for me to commit.

Continue reading “This Ashram Life” →

(or 2,700 seconds)

The therapeutic frame. That pillar of the therapeutic relationship draconically enforced by authoritarian therapists and equally loathed by clients everywhere. Or so I thought.

Shrinky term:

frame (noun, frām) – the setting of boundaries or ground rules for the contractual aspects of therapy. ^[1]The therapeutic frame governs the rules and expectations of therapy: time, place, fee, confidentiality, contact. It is a crucial element for the creation of safety, for both client and therapist.

I spent 4 years in therapy where the frame was decidedly gray. I’ve spent much of the last 9 months having to re-learn how to be in a healthy, boundaried therapeutic relationship. All that time, before, I thought I was fighting against boundaries. Now I see that I was actually reacting to a distinct lack of boundaries. Just as children do better with well-defined boundaries and expectations, so do therapy clients.

Continue reading “unFramed” →